The Tent-ational Grand Tour Tent Returns! The Question Is, Will I??
Here in the UK right now (yeah, that’s the funny-shaped little island to the left of Europe which looks like a witch riding a pig, for our American readership), the producers of The Grand Tour are inviting would-be members of the studio audience to complete an online questionnaire to determine which members of the general public/great unwashed will be present at the tented recording of the new season of said Amazon Prime series. Long sentence, I know, and hence why I’m not a paid writer.
Which is, should we need to remind anyone, the much-anticipated third instalment of the post-Top Gear era Clarkson, May and Hammond broadcasting juggernaut. And I, like any other fan of all things motoring, lightly entertaining and fronted by folk – if not wardrobe choices - I can relate to, have recently clamoured to get tickets to these live studio sessions. And not for the first time.
However I’m desperate to repeat the surprise successes of that very first time, when I was fortunate enough to realise a long-held dream which dated back to the halcyon days of TG; and find myself within insult-hurling distance of Clarkson’s cardigan. Him doing the insulting, of course. Which in the event was sat in a tent on Whitby harbourside, some two years ago to the week, give or take.
Do I Have a Grand Tour Sequel in Me? And if so, Not as Instantly Forgettable as Back to the Future III….
You might recall the blog I penned on this once-in-a-lifetime experience that I enjoyed/dined off for the subsequent two years. Or maybe not, if you’re new to Drivl or simply landed here by accident, and only then hung around long enough to admire the peerless quality of my Photoshopping.
Any road, none of this matters, as I’m at it again. Something which the internet was invented for in my opinion. Aside from porn, obviously. I’m talking about being afforded the opportunity to meet my/your heroes simply by a few clicks of a mouse. And the small matter of employing a bit of leftfield thought into appealing to the powers that be, while stood in a field of sheep as far as the eye can see. Which is an analogy for rising above the faceless crowd, rather than being up close and personal with livestock native of Wales and New Zealand.
This is the challenge I’ve had in the past 24 hours. To conjure up a few sentences which will ensure a swift-ish return to the scene of my greatest triumphs in the next couple of weeks. And to get myself noticed enough to warrant an invite to the greatest show on earth under canvas.
Willy, Won’t He?
I know. Just who’d have imagined that doing whatever it took to spend half a day in a tent outdoors at the advent of winter would be something which half of the UK would be prioritising right now. But they/I am, as I’d love to relive that hugely memorable 2016 day another time, in another place, yet still in the company of the guys who brought us this; our temporary home of homes. This little thing they called Drivetribe. Yet to acquire one of these golden tickets, you’re expected to out-Wonka Willy in the creativity stakes and respond with a few killer lines. A tall order. A more lofty ambition even than the fictitious chocolate factory owner’s top hat.
So, you’re probably wondering how I answered the searching questions, the answers of which would sort the men from the boys and the wood from the chaff, as far as The Grand Tour’s key movers and shakers in the production department were concerned. Which required some serious eye-squinting and chin-rubbing on my part. Which I had to do separately on account of me being born a man.
For those interested, my efforts are discovered beneath, however slightly curtailed due to the restricting word count which served to break up my stream of conscious. That which doesn’t stifle me hereabouts, as you can testify.
Don't fret. My ex is very photogenic. But in the interests of privacy these days, her face now resembles a Milky Bar Button.
Question 1: Tell us why you’d like to go to the recording
'Because I’ve now freed up both those dates, after rescheduled my blood test, rearranged my WI coffee morning hosting and deciding to walk the dog I no longer have when I get back from your massive tent. Also my parents have promised me they’ll video Bargain Hunt AND Homes Under the Hammer.'
Question 2: Tell us what you like most about The Grand Tour
'For many reasons, but mostly because I like the way Richard Gammon has now morphed into Lawrence Llewelyn-Bowen. Plus I think it’s much better since you sacked Chris Evans and replaced him with Sniff Petrol’s mate, Johnny Sideburns. But mainly supercars, road trips and ‘Conversation Street’.'
So there you go.
Also apologies for not including any links to the appropriate site where you too can attempt to join The Grand Tour presenters and crew for studio filming, but I’m sure you can understand my logic here. The more of you who are aware of it, decreases my chances of getting noticed. Essentially it’s a numbers game. And because I admit I’m shite at math, I don’t want to give any of you an unfair advantage.