The Trouble With Buying Christmas Presents For Car Lovers

51w ago

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If someone was to ask me – a devout car lover – what I thought was the ultimate stocking filler, I know exactly what I'd say: a severed leg. Thankfully, such a gift rarely gets given nowadays since the Manson Family no longer celebrates Christmas at home. But facetious remarks aside, people have scratched many-a holes in their heads trying to think of what to buy people for Christmas.  

If you actually care about what you buy for people, then present shopping follows a very strict and brain-aching thought process. If you don't however, then there are many thoughtless options at your disposal that also double as last resorts for when you inevitably can't think of anything to buy someone.  

The quick and easy thing to do would be to buy someone an alcoholic beverage, but you can only buy people booze so many times before they get the impression that you think they're a pisshead. The next on the list would be chocolates or biscuits, but given how many of either people usually get swamped with, it'd be nice to partially lower their risk of developing Type 1 Diabetes. 

The absolute final option is usually a gift voucher of some sort, which completely baffles me! I mean, why would you give someone a form of money that can only be spent in one shop? It's like giving someone a shirt that they can only wear for an hour every year!  

Yes, money might be a completely thoughtless gift, but it's the one thing you'll never see for sale on eBay come Boxing Day with the words "unwanted gift" in the title. 

Some people however have interests and hobbies. When buying for these people, folk immediately latch onto that person's interest, and buy whatever they can find that has something related to their interest written on it. This is especially true for petrolheads, who're rather likely to receive something that has absolutely nothing to do with cars that has a car name written on it. Personally, I think I'd rather have chocolates!  

Every year, various media organisations fathom a list of what they call the "Greatest Christmas Gifts For Car Lovers". And some of the presents are really very good, such as track days and driving experiences. But some of them really do make you wonder how people interpret the information that a person likes cars. The clue is there: we like cars; not sunglasses made by Mercedes.  

Buying for the purist petrolhead is even more difficult if you aim to buy them something related to their passion. But fear not, as I have found exactly what they've always wanted (!) It is – of course – an umbrella with a H-pattern on the end!  

Given that the umbrella costs a mere £15, there may be something left in the kitty to buy the aforementioned purist something else they'd enjoy...like a book that comes with a CD of old Porsche engines! 

But of course, there are those people who get a kick out of knowing they own something that one would usually find on a supercar, and for those people, there is nothing more perfect than this BaByliss Hairdryer! 

Now obviously, as the hairdryer comes equipped with components from the Ferrari 458, it does cost a premium price of £90. Enough to empty your Bentley wallet!  

The Bentley wallet is just like any other wallet you can buy for 3 quid at a backstreet market; however, it has the iconic Flying B emblem imprinted into it. And for that, you can expect to pay £150! It's a mere trifle however compared to this watch, that you'd normally be able to buy from Argos for £15, but because it's got a Porsche badge on it, it'll set you back £470!! 

Porsche however do another watch, and this one really looks like a quality instrument. And so it should...for £1450!!  

I could never imagine writing out a cheque for that much money for a watch. But if I were to, I'd like to use this Bugatti ballpoint pen.  

Does exactly the same job as any other 10p pen from Rymans, but because it's got Bugatti on it, it'll damage your bank account to the tune of – and I'm not joking - £2215!!  

After such a shock, I really don't think there's anything anyone would want more than a nice, reinvigorating dose of...Lamborghini branded anabolic steroids!! The price of which is harm to your health!  

The moral of the story is, whenever anyone puts a car name on anything, the price rockets to the point of implausibility. Don't bother wasting your money on this shit just because you're buying for a car enthusiast, because what they like is cars – not car branded landfill. But if I'm being quite honest, I don't think any self-confessed petrolhead would object to finding this T-Shirt in their stocking...  

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Written by: Angelo Uccello

Twitter: @AngeloUccello 

Tribe: Speed Machines 

Facebook: Speed Machines – DriveTribe  

Banner credit: Parcelroom

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