The worst car fiction ever

3y ago


I really enjoy reading stories here on DriveTribe. Many people here are not professional journalists or bloggers. Just like me, they are hobbyists using this nook of the web for their creative writing. Some are certainly more talented than others. And some just remind me of Edward Bulwer-Lytton.

"It was a dark and stormy night..."

Mr Bulwer-Lytton

Bulwer-Lytton's name lives on in the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, in which contestants think up terrible openings for imaginary novels, inspired by the first line of his 1830 novel Paul Clifford:
"It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents—except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness."

Oh beautiful hive-mind of DriveTribe, I invite you to submit your worst opening sentence to car fiction in the comments.

This was the 1988 winner of the contest: "Like an expensive sports car, fine tuned and well built, Portia was sleek, shapely, and gorgeous, her red jumpsuit molding her body, which was as warm as the seatcovers in July, her hair as dark as new tires, her eyes flashing like bright hubcaps, and her lips as dewy as the beads of fresh rain on the hood; she was a woman driven—fueled by a single accelerant—and she needed a man, a man who wouldn't shift from his views, a man to steer her along the right road, a man like Alf Romeo."
—Rachel E. Sheeley, Williamsburg, Indiana

Here is my own attempt, describing my epic failure from last weekend;

"'Just one more push!', she said with a look of guilt and worry to her passenger who had been pushing their 1987 Volkswagen T3 Camper for the last mile, luckily aided by slight downwards slope, slowly bringing the bright halogen lights of the gas station closer and closer into view, indicating that this one would indeed still be open whereas her calculations to reach the previous one failed only when she found out it was already closed for the night, leaving them running on fumes and out of time."

Now please, enlighten and amuse me with your entries. I'd also like to encourage reposting to appropriate tribes. The more entries the merrier ;)

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