We know the Aztek is the bane of our existence. It pioneered the fastback SUV but wasn't any good even at that, it was ugly in an entirely new kind of way and driven only by the kind of person who walks into a dealership with an idea of what they want and are talked into buying something completely different; we know this person as gullible, but what if I told you there was someone who bought a Pontiac Aztek on purpose because they LIKED it?
Enter: The Confused One. The Confused One is the one responsible for scarring my mind with his corrupted vehicle. A white Aztek with an AutoZone hood scoop and fake fender vents from a 1990s Buick. Yes. This was a man with the mental capacity to look at a face even a mother couldn't love and say, "Botched surgery can improve this." If you see The Confused One his Aztek steed pull over until your eyesight improves and call 1-800-HELP.