Cars are extensions of our personalities. At least that’s what the marketing people tell us, and to some point they are right. We do care about how others see us, so our cars do the talking. However, that marketing thing can often fail, miserably, and the message our cars give out just ends up being embarrassing.
Welcome to another TopCars TV countdown as we rank the top ten cars you really don’t want to be seen in.
10 - Nissan Micra C+C
C+C is clearly a car for girls, but Nissan went too far, or rather, too young with it. First of all, it’s as pretty as a mops dog, which is just plain ugly, OK?
It’s also slow, pathetic, and all that, but it’s one of the rare cars that comes out of the factory in color Pink. Now that’s important, because who would want a pink car? If you are old enough to be driving this, you should be old enough to stop with the Barbie nonsense. Grow up missy Bo-Bo. And if you’re a guy driving this car, then you are just asking to be laughed at.
9 - Chrysler PT Cruiser
PT Cruiser was at the forefront of the early 2000s modern retro cars, so if you wanted to get one, you had to wait in line for this cool car. However, since then, a dozen of other retro cars was introduced, all of them more youthful, exciting and invigorating.
Suddenly, PT Cruiser was driven only by the people who had an erectile dysfunction and still remembered the original bosomy cars with wooden panels. Now it’s just too oldie looking and oldie performing to excite anyone. And if you inherited it, I am sorry for your loss… of dignity.
8 - Aston MArtin Cygnet
They claim that: Cygnet was conceived, designed and built as a true Aston Martin. Bullshit. It's a Toyota IQ with some fake vents, leather interior, overpriced posh cushions, and a five times the original asking price.
The reason for this stunt was to meet EU emission requirements because all things Aston builds are with big great V8 and V12 engines. And that’s the problem, you can’t say to anyone with a straight face that you will come and pick them up in your new Aston Martin. People will be expecting James Bond to show up, not to burst out laughing when you roll down in this.
7 - Ford Mustang II
It’s a Mustang with a 4 cylinder, 88hp engine that takes 13 seconds to reach 60. The reasons behind such pathetic numbers are the 70s oil crisis and eco regulations that left Ford with no other choice but to castrate the Mustang. Even the top model with a 5-liter engine and a fierce King Cobra name was affected and produced a measly 133hp figure.
It’s also ugly, based on a dangerously flawed Pinto, and still, it’s a huge success story for Ford since they sold over a million. But it’s called Mustang – like the muscle car. Except, this one has no muscle at all.
6 - Pontiac Aztek
When creators of Breaking Bad wanted to portray a complete loser, they had him drive this - the ugliest car ever made. Well, maybe. Anyway, the Pontiac Aztek is so ugly that staring directly into the Sun seems as a healthier alternative to laying eyes on this tragedy. Looking at all the details, it’s hard to tell if it was designed like this on purpose, or they just put together some mismatching parts they found on the floor.
It’s crumbled, hunchbacked, and perched on wheels from a piano. Aztek may be cleverly practical, but the ugliness is hard to ignore and that makes it the Crocks shoes of the automotive industry.
5 - Smart ForTwo
Americans really don’t like this car, and probably because some of them are outright larger than it. Also, it’s designed to be very euro chic but it actually ended up looking more like a chewing gum stuck on the bottom of your shoe.
And if you think that it’s a good city car – it’s not. It gets stuck in the traffic just like any other car, a parking spot is either free or not and that 36 cubic inches engine has to work really hard just to take off the line, so it’s not as economical as you might think. It’s shit.
4 - Any Ricer Car
I know that there are different car cultures, and we should all respect each other, but man, this one is hard to defend. It’s all about having the flashiest, most ridiculously styled car with a bunch or race inspired cosmetic enhancements. (R.I.C.E.)
The key word is inspired, because none of those things will make it go any faster, and will more likely make it slower due to the poorly implemented obnoxious aero kit. And then there is the over the top multimedia interior, glowing things, pearlescent paints… Everything is just so clownish. If you showed up to a funeral with this, people would probably bury the car instead. With you inside.
3 - Hummer H2
Hummer's first model, the H1, was a capable, rugged offroader, derived from a real military vehicle. This H2 is all the same, but only on the surface. Those helicopter hooks are fake, hood vent – fake, offroad capabilities – fake. All fake. Plus, it's widely considered as the most obvious extension for your shorty and nothing but an attention seeker.
Then to finish it off, it's adored by these excessive rappers that turn them into the most cringy, flashy, useless, things on the road. They see me rolling, they hating? More like they see me rolling, I see them rolling their eyes.
2 - REVAi G-Wiz
Is it an electric car, or 4-wheel moped, or banned altogether? Depends on which country you ask, but it was one thing for sure - a cheap motoring solution. From India. So, don't expect Mercedes standards for quality control, or safety. Anything close to the top speed of 50mph and you would be driving in a disintegrating plastic coffin.
But all that didn't stop it from being the best selling electric car up until the 2009, thanks in part to British vegan eco-mentalist. You know, people who think that all natural, organic armpit hair is cool. It's not, and neither is this thing.
1 - Mercedes Maybach G650 Landaulet
The 4x4 Squared is one of the coolest cars on the road today, so how can a super luxurious version be so bad then? Well, it all comes down to one very significant detail – The back has a drop top. That exposes you to an outside world, while your private chauffeur is driving you around. And people would be wondering, who is that important person, displayed for everyone to see as he looks down at us? Dictator? Royalty? The Pope himself? I don't know about you, but I would be embarrassed, because admiration can't be bought, it has to be earned.
Agree with the picks? Let me know in the comments
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