If you're like me, you'll not want anyone eating in your car at all. Unless you have my written permission a full week before coming within 50 yards of my car, you aren't even allowed to drink anything other than organically pure water near my pride and joy. If you do sneak something in and spill it, be prepared to be paying for the highest quality valet services inside and out.
However, some of you dirty sods are less strict than myself and let some food in your car. I'm all for really useful consumer advice, so I've put together my list of the worst foods to eat in a car.
10) McDonald's chips
Nobody eats McDonald's fries carefully. It is a scientific fact that these can only been eaten clumsily and by grabbing roughly 8-9 of them at a time and shovelling them into your mouth. This inevitably leads to some of them jumping ship down the side of your seat where they will be lost until the end of time.
Every aspect of these sweet delights do not marry well with a car interior. Powdered sugar? Yep, ruined interior. Hundreds and Thousands? Yep ruined interior. Oozing jam? Yep, the car is a write off.
I don't care if it is a hipster frappuccino extra hot with avocado foam or a filter coffee, neither of them are coming anywhere near my car. If you're drinking this and not concentrating, I'm within 2 seconds of having your hot coffee on my lap and sending my Fiat Panda 100HP into a wall.
7) BBQ'd food
I have to question your sanity if you thought this would be appropriate to bring anywhere near my upholstery. I can just see the slow drip of the excess BBQ sauce sliding off tender rib before you've had a chance to notice it. You try and get your hand underneath it, but it is too late. The sauce is soaking itself and binding with the fabric of my seat and you just sit there looking helpless and apologetic. Get out of my car.
6) Modern burger
What do I mean by 'modern' burger? I mean one that is no longer just a patty and bun, but a Jenga stacked tower of unnecessary ingredients that are waiting to slide out. The burgers are so juicy now that after one bite, no matter how many napkins you have splayed out on your lap, there will be meat juice mixed with thick sauce pouring like Niagara Falls onto the floor, followed by a tomato slice and probably bloody kimchi or something equally pointless.
5) Suspect can on the floor
It has been lying down there for literally months. We all forgot it was down there, but after a slightly harder than expected braking incident, a can rolls out into the footwell. JUST LEAVE IT. We all know what will happen when you open it and your '3-tap rule' on the top of the can is way too risky in this situation. If you want to play the lottery, we can do it in your car.
There is no way to eat a cup of soup or noodles, or whatever you think is appropriate to pour boiling water into it, carefully. There is more chance of you getting with your celebrity crush than not spilling a droplet of this.
Look at it. Inside that thin wet tortilla package is basically a ticking time bomb. You have no control over what happens after the first bite. You may think you are in control, but the ball is firmly in the court of the server who made it. They might have been having a bad day and just slapped it in haphazardly. This results in a loose burrito and will inevitably leave to the inside of my car looking like a dirty protest.
I've tried on many occasions, in an actual sit-down restaurant, to eat a taco without it going everywhere completely and utterly failed. If you think you have the skill to do it in a moving car and get away with it, you are a bigger person than me. No matter how much confidence you have in your own taco eating ability, leave my car out of your gambling habits.
1) Christmas dinner
This one may be a little unique to me. One Christmas Eve as I was working late in Cardiff in a job that I hated and I managed to get the last 3.5 hour train home to North Wales. My family had already enjoyed the Christmas Eve meal with all the trimmings. Kindly, my sister picked me up from the train station with something very similar to the image above on a tray. If you weren't aware, the roads in North Wales are pretty twisty, perfect for a fun drive, not for eating a meal with 73 ingredients in it. Needless to say I had about a fifth of that meal and I think I quit that job not long after.