Top 15 Ugliest Cars Ever Made
Get the sick bucket ready; trust me...
The other week, I published a blog called "Top 15 Most Beautiful Cars Ever Made", so this week, I thought it was only right to have a look at the machines that sit at the other end of the scale: the ugliest, most grotesque looking things that unfortunately must be defined as "cars".
If you turn to Google to tell you what the ugliest car in the world is, the answer comes in the form of either the Pontiac Aztek, or the Fiat Multipla. But Google's wrong. There are many FAR uglier cars out there, which is frightening when you stop to consider just how ghastly both of those lumps of shit are. So, get the sick bucket ready, and prepare yourself for one of the most stomach turning countdowns in history. But before then, a quick prerequisite...
To reiterate what I said in last week's blog, aesthetics are the most subjective thing about a car, and therefore there is no right or wrong answer. I'm merely giving you what I think are the top 15 ugliest cars through my eyes, and if you don't agree, that's fine – but don't tell me I'm wrong, because I'm not. No one's right or wrong, because it's just too subjective.
That said, I do think there is more harmony when trying to arrange an order for ugliness than beauty. Strange, that. So, without any further ado, let's get cracking...
15: Jensen S-V8
Have you ever seen a car that looks as though all of its body panels have been sourced from different cars? Well, you have now, because that's exactly what the S-V8 looks like.
It's as though Jensen simply sent an employee down to a scrap yard with a list of parts – without specifying where the parts needed to come from – and whatever he came back with, they bolted on and that was that. Good grief, it's a hideous looking wreck!
14: Jetstream SC250
Do you recall that moment in Terminator 2 when Sarah Connor's having a nightmare about Judgement Day when a nuke explodes, leaving only her skeleton clinging onto the railings for a brief moment before completely obliterating everything? That's what the SC250 looks like: a skeleton that's been stripped of flesh by the heat of a nuclear blast.
In some ways, that's exactly what the Jetstream is, because it's a shed-car that's been designed to be light enough to confuse the laws of physics. But while that's all very well when you're trying to keep up with Ferrari's around Cadwell Park, it means the car looks like a plucked duck.
13: Fiat Multipla
Yes, it's that pesky Multipla, which for many people in Britain, is the ugliest car they're likely to see every day. It's not hard to see why so many people hold this as the ugliest car ever made, because as far as I can tell, it's the closest representation out there of the Elephant Man on 4 wheels.
The Multipla's only saving grace is that it is a wonderfully practical family car. Not only will it accommodate a family of 6, but there are more cubby holes in the cabin than there are in a bush tucker trial. With the look of the thing however, if you found yourself owning a Multipla as a bachelor, you can guarantee you'd never have the opportunity as long as you breathed to appreciate how well this thing can handle a large family. Moving on...
12: Pontiac Aztek
For my readers on the other side of the pond, the Aztek fills the shoes of the Multipla in that it is probably the ugliest car you're likely to see on a day to day basis.
Some say the Aztek started the hideous but now phenomenally popular trend of Coupe SUVs; that's why it looks like it's had the top of its arse amputated. You really do have to ask yourself the question: what goes through the mind of a person when they design something this ghastly?!
According to the chief designer, Tom Peters, he "wanted to do a bold, in-you-face vehicle that wasn't for everybody", which really does beg another question: is he genuinely suggesting that there is someone out there other than him that the Aztek IS for? The phrase "looks only a mother could love" comes to mind – but I think this car pushes the definition of that saying too far.
11: Bugatti 101 Exner ghia
From the rear, there doesn't seem to be anything particularly wrong with the way this Bugatti looks. It may look like it'd be more at home floating than driving, but it doesn't look anywhere near ugly enough to warrant a place ahead of what many deem to be the ugliest car in existence. Until you look at it from the front...
Good grief! With its eyes sunken so far into the back of its skull, it looks as though it's been ravaged by disease, and left entirely emaciated as a result of the illness. What a frightful expression!
Approaching this car from behind is like approaching Johnny Rotten in drag from behind in a nightclub. A hopeful tap on the shoulder, a cheeky "hello darling" to make a good first impression. And then the moment they turn arou...ARGH!!
10: Toyota Mirai
The Mirai is the sort of car that looks as though it belongs in a medieval freak show. Like it's been subjected to a number of brutal medical experiments, or it did something that required King Joffrey to punish it fiercely, resulting in irreversible facial disfiguration.
The Mirai does have one redeeming factor however: it showcases the greatest source of future sustainability in that it's powered by hydrogen. Unlike fully electric cars, I'm all for hydrogen. But there's absolutely no excuse for Toyota to give it the face of someone who's had their head in a beehive.
9: Lamborghini Veneno
The Veneno is that marmite hypercar that people either love for its madness or hate for how revolting it looks. Given that it appears at No9 on my list of all time ugliest cars, you can probably guess what I think of the way it looks.
Imagine drawing a hypercar, screwing up the paper into a tight ball, and then trying to unravel the mess as best as you could. You'd end up with some sort of creased and distorted mishmash that is the Veneno. In fact, that may well be how they designed it!
8: Mitsuoka Nouera
I know what you're doing at this point: you're still trying to pronounce the cluster of vowels that is this car's name. If you do manage to say it successfully, then give yourself a cookie, because I sure as hell can't! But what's even worse than the name is the way it looks.
If you took an ugly person and cut their nose clean off, you'd have a Nouera. It's a styling trait is shares with the Edsel Corsair – which many believe to be one of the ugliest classic American cars ever made. The Corsair however has a charm about it, and "charm" is not a word you could ever use to describe anything about the Nouera. It's absolutely horrifically ugly!
7: Bufori Geneva
Imagine for a moment that you're walking around the Geneva Motor Show enjoying the many sights and wonders on offer. Then, all of a sudden you get taken aghast by the putrid sight of a car and think "goodness me, that must've been one hell of a boar they had to kill to get that nose!"
The Bufori Geneva is the only car that I can think of to sport a snout rather than a grill. The front end looks so much like a pig's shnozzle, you'd be forgiven for thinking it was made out of bacon rather than metal. Bacon however has appeal, whereas this car most certainly doesn't!
6: Aston Martin Lagonda Shooting Brake
To my eyes, the Aston Martin Lagonda of the 70's was a despicably ugly car. I remember seeing it in a book for the first time as a young child, and the look it brought to my face made my Mother ask in an incredibly concerned manner "what's wrong?"
Apparently, the car's designer locked himself away for a month to etch the Lagonda, and I'm still trying to work out if during that time he had cataracts in just the one eye or both of them. However, the Saloon's ugliness was nothing in contrast to the 1998 Shooting Brake version by Swiss company Roos Engineering.
That grotesque squashed and slanted stance made it look as though it were a hearse for people who'd suffered death by steam-roller. Luckily, only one example of this body style was ever made, so there's an infinitesimally small chance you'll ever have the displeasure of seeing one for real.
5: Marcos Mantis XP
There's only one way the Marcos Mantis XP could be described as "good looking", and that's if the beholder was observing it through a brick wall. Bricks are much more attractive than this disgusting lump of bile!
From every angle, the XP doesn't fail to turn your stomach. From the front, it looks like a frog that's been run over fantastically accurately right between the eyes with a racing bicycle; from the side, it looks like an old door chock that's had many chips taken out of it; and from the back, it looks like the village idiot, struggling to count their change. What an appalling spectacle!
4: Marcos Mantis M70
It appears then the words "Marcos" and "Mantis" are bywords for "ugly fucker" when put together on a single car. And this M70 is, to my eyes, even uglier than the XP.
It looks like a horrendously bad cut-and-shut of about 3 or 4 different cars. The front doesn't quite match the bonnet, which doesn't match the cabin, which doesn't match the rear. And those inflated lips and eyelids! What in the name of God were they thinking when they designed this?!
3: Mitsuoka Orochi
If you know enough about cars to be a little bit of a nerd without being a full blown anorak, then you've probably been waiting for this car in this list – if that is you didn't initially scroll down to the bottom, anticipating this would take the crown. If you didn't do that however, firstly, thank you; and secondly, you're now definitely wondering how there can be 2 more cars out there that can possibly be uglier than this.
The Mitsuoka Orochi – or as I like to call it, the "Me-got-an Itchi-crotchi" – really does look terribly ill. Not like it's suffering with a random disease however – more like it's fallen victim to some ailment it brought on itself. To me, it looks like the sort of monstrosity that would result if someone decided they wanted to go for a swim in a pool of nerve gas.
2: Tirrito Ayrton R
This is a car that shares a name with arguably the greatest racing driver ever to have breathed. And if this were a beautiful and wonderful car I'd be praising it to the heavens for being a marvellous tribute. But unfortunately, it isn't!
Those 4 tiny headlamps are reminiscent of a Pagani Zonda – but the only way a Zonda could look anything like this car is if it fell victim to a Saw movie Reverse Bear Trap (DON'T YouTube that if you're squeamish). And if the front wasn't bad enough, the rear is somehow worse!
Seriously, what have they done with it at the back? There's no distinctive features at all other than pure ugliness! It takes the silver medal in my list of all time ugliest cars.
By now, you're probably both screaming at me through your computer for not including cars which you deem to be ugly, and also frighteningly wondering what on earth could be uglier than the Tirrito. Well, before I get to my No1 pick, I must again conform to the WatchMojo tradition and give you some honourable – which in this case are more dishonourable – mentions...
Stutz Bearcat II
Toyota Prius (XW50)
Toyota Yaris Verso
1: Sbarro Autobau
This is where that sick bucket may come in very useful. I didn't know cars could be this ugly until I saw the Autobau. If an artist really put their mind to designing the ugliest car they possibly could, I very much doubt their imagination could stretch to this. It is by far a way the ugliest thing I have ever seen!
When a car has the power to make John McCririck look mildly attractive, you know you are dealing with dangerous levels of hideousness. It is so awful, God has not yet created a creature fowl enough for anyone to be able to construct an appropriate metaphor. If it were possible for some sort of monster to crawl out of the pile of nuclear waste that remains in Chernobyl, then I reckon it'd look something like this.
Apparently, the Autobau was designed by "legendary" car designer Franco Sbarro. Presumably, the "legendary" part of that statement can be related to him in the same way Hitler is a "legendary" Politician.
Thoughts of Frankenstein's Monster come to mind.
Mr Sbarro showcased the Autobau to the world at the Geneva Motor Show a few years ago. Therefore, he must've liked the way it looked. What I now want to know is: why isn't he being treated for a mental illness?!
So, there it is! What I think are the top 15 ugliest cars ever made. Hope you enjoy this disturbing wonder down Frightful Lane.
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Written by: Angelo Uccello
Tribe: Speed Machines
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