Top 5 Liveries That People Recommend I Put On My Van That I Cannot Stand
"Nice van, you should do-" NOPE!
Everyone loves to have opinions. Some are good, others are not. It seems that the ones with bad opinions love voicing them without any thought. While this take may extend to bigger issues, I am talking about issues that matter. I'm talking about how people suggest what I should do with my van. Here is a countdown of suggestions I frequently hear that make me want to bang my head against the wall.
5. Racing Stripes
Bring this to the US, Ford!
To be clear, I am not against racing vans. I am in full support in pushing your van to its limits against all odds. Hearing the phrase, “you need racing stripes” sends shiver down my spine. It’s the Summit Racing bumper sticker of decals and liveries. Not original. Not creative. And majority of the time, are off centered or bubbling. If you’re going with center racing stripes, you have to go all out with the rest of the body. Runner stripes, hood stripes. It’s the mohawk you wanted to rock as a kid, and you now look at old photos of you with regret.
4. The A-Team
Real original pal.
The only good thing to come out of the TV show, The A-Team, was the van they drove. Apparently, it wasn’t that iconic because the van was hardly featured in the mediocre movie remake released in 2010 (they literally killed it off in the opener, then brought it back towards the end. I was irate to say the least). Another un-original take on styling your own van, the all black with red stripe is a great representation of the mail-it-in outcome of both the vehicle’s show and movie. The biggest sin, is when this look is applied to vehicles that aren't GMC Vanduras. At least get the vehicle right! This would have been higher, but I do love the wing and the front splitter.
3. Mutt Cutts From Dumb & Dumber
Okay gang you know the rules. No humping, no pushing, no sniffing hineys.
I love this movie. It’s dumb, it’s easy to laugh at, and the dumb lines stick in your head for years to come. The only reason you should upfit your van to look like a dog is if you are solely making a replica of said vehicle. Otherwise, this is a very difficult set-up to keep clean and intact.
2. Scooby Doo Mystery Machine
Jinkies that's ugly
Another case of “this should only occur if you are making a replica”. It's even worse when applied to non-retro vans. I legitimately do not like the look of the Mystery Machine. It’s not my cup of tea. And it shouldn’t be yours; no matter how many Scooby snacks are offered.
1. "Free Candy"
I'm laughing so hard right now....NOT
Ha! I’ve never heard that one before. If I had a dollar every time someone made a “free candy” joke to me I’d have enough money to fulfill my dream van garage. The joke was funny for about a month. You can offer me millions of dollars, and I still wouldn’t tease the idea of putting that phrase on the side of my van.
You're probably asking, "Ok Frank, what IS a good livery for your van then?" Here's what I drive:
Retro, unique, stylish, fast.
Sound off in the comments whether or not you agree with this list.