- 1) PUT DANGLY THINGS IN IT. Indian charms, air fresheners, hail Mary beads. They don't belong on your mirror. Not only do they create blindspots, they also give your passenger an intense urge to pull until the string breaks. Believe me.
- 2) MAKE IT SCRAPE ON EVERYTHING. There's such a thing as tasteful lowering. It's done by the manufacturer.
- 3) PUT BLING ON IT. Aftermarket chrome fuel caps, light surrounds, grilles, and wheels do not make people think you have a luxury car. It tells them you are a Greek drug dealer.
- 4) TREAT IT LIKE A FRIDGE DOOR. When you park your car somewhere, you really want it to be as anonymous as possible, plus they're a pain to get off come resale time. And a sticker like this is just plain rubbish.
- 5) TREAT IT LIKE A BIN. Most people do not leave McDonalds wrappers blowing about their lounge room. If they spill a packet of trail mix down the sofa, out comes the vacuum. Why should your car be any different?
- 6) PUT A DAISY IN IT. A marketing person at VW must have thought that putting a inbuilt vase and daisy on the dash of the New Beetle was a good idea, to lure women buyers. They should have all been taken out and implanted in his head.
- 7) SHOD IT WITH CHEAP SHOES. It is possible to get authentic, respectable sports wheels. So if you feel you must replace the perfectly good wheels your Subaru was built with, don't give the job to the lowest bidder.
- 8) STICK BITS OUT THE BONNET. I'm afraid nothing says your IQ is a power of ten with a negative exponent, more than this. It doesn't look cool. It looks ridiculous, and it's dangerous.
- 9) PUT HANGING THINGS UNDER IT . Sometimes you see these on cars (often hanging from the middle, not the pipe). Allegedly, they stop the build-up of static electricity, which reduces radio interference and car sickness. They are actually useless.
- 10) THIS. John Lennon was not an artist. He was a crass, vulgar, uncouth man with long hair. Don't argue.

Or your car will hate you the rest of its miserable life. Quite literally, possibly. (#more)

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