Viva la Frenchie! Pagenaud wins the Toronto Indycar race
SIMON PAGENAUD WINS FROM POLE ON TORONTO STREET COURSE
PAGENAUD DEMONSTRATES THAT HEY, FRENCH PEOPLE CAN INDEED WIN THINGS TOO!
PLAYED BRILLIANT FUEL MILEAGE STRATEGY, STRETCHED EARLY FUEL STOP TO A WIN
SCOTT DIXON NIPPED AT PAGENAUD'S HEELS FOR LAST TWENTY LAPS OF RACE
ENDED ON CAUTION AS WILL POWER ATTEMPTED TO COLOR OUTSIDE THE LINES ON LAST LAP
THIRD PODIUM FINISH THIS SEASON FOR PAGENAUD, ALL JUST HAPPEN TO BE WINS
ALEXANDER ROSSI ROUNDS OUT TOP THREE WITH FINISH IN 3RD PLACE
PAGENAUD'S PENSKE RACING RACE CAR EXHAUST NOW SHRIEKS WITH FRENCH ACCENT
CHAMPIONSHIP FIGHT HEATING UP AS ROSSI IS NOW ONLY 4 POINTS OUT OF THE LEAD
CHAMPIONSHIP LEADER JOSEF NEWGARDEN FINISHES FOURTH AFTER WALL HIT
STREETS OF TORONTO, WHEREVER THAT IS, CANADA: Simon Pagenaud dominated today's Honda Indy Toronto in a dominating manner indicative of dominance, while driving the #22 Roger Penske-owned-and-Chevrolet-powered Dallara to the finish, often while entirely by himself, as everyone else on the track was too terrified to be around anyone thought of as being associated with anything 'French' on Bastille Day.
It took several minutes of fevered pleading between Scott Dixon and his team to finally coax the 5-time Indycar champion and driver of the #9 Ganassi Racing Honda to attempt to get close to Pagenaud at the end, although it was all for naught as Dixon simply couldn't get close enough to apply any pressure on the dominant Penske Racing #22, only getting within half a second at his closest point.
Dixon's efforts were to be abruptly ended on the last lap anyway, as another Penske Racing driver, Will Power, abruptly decided on the last lap to use his Dallara/Chevrolet to try to snuff out an annoying Canadian Goose that was popping its head in and out of a tire barrier on the outside of Turn 8, which caused a full-course caution to occur, ending Dixon's attempts to catch the unbeatable Pagenaud.
It should be noted that Pagenaud's win comes on the same day as Bastille Day, which is the insufferable French national holiday which celebrates the annual shaving of armpits that occurs with both male and female French citizens.
Or now that I read that French-to-Not-Satirical-English translation again, Bastille Day celebrates the Storming of the Bastille during the French Revolution, although I should point out that the Bastille, a notorious French prison which was used to house political prisoners and bad satire writers with the first name of 'Larry', yeah, the prison only had seven prisoners in the building at the time of the infamous Storming of the Bastille.
And it should also be pointed out that no 'Storming of the Bastille' was even necessary, as the front door was actually unlocked and it didn't occur to any of the French Revolutionaries doing all of the storming, ladder climbing, and cheese tossing at the time that someone might try jiggling the handle to see if it was unlocked...which of course it was.
But of course, "Storming the Bastille" sounds more patriotic than "We Casually Let Ourselves Into The Bastille", so there you go.
At any rate, the French are now again striking terror into the hearts of Indycar racing drivers, as Pagenaud has now won three times this season, and is only 30-something points out of the championship lead.
Viva la France!
Rounding out the top ten:
3. Alexander Rossi
4. Josef Newgarden
5. Felix Rosenqvist
6. The Mayor of Hinchtown
7. Colton Herta, who surprisingly didn't blow up, crash into something, or be abducted by aliens, and then apologize to his team for having done so
8. Sebastien Bourdais
9. Graham Rahal
10. Marco Andretti
5-time Indycar champ Scott Dixon rounding a corner during practice. He finished 2nd today in Toronto, a tight street course notorious for traffic problems. He is also battling an annoying tennis-elbow medical problem. Image courtesy of NBC Sports