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What's the Matter with a Range Rover?

If your spending over £90k on a family car and it's not a Range Rover, then your a monumental plonker.

35w ago


I would like to preface this by saying, if you want a sports car then don't buy a Range Rover but for everything else, do.

Audi have launched the 2020 revision of their hugely powerful, hugely expensive and unnessecarily fast family estate, the RS6. Now I know that all the Audi fanboy incels who, according to a legitimate study, are the most inconsiderate and dishonest people on the road, will come after me in that stupid whining voice saying "Oh well I need my family car to have a thumping great V8 mounted behind a face that will scare my children because when a teenager in a civic challenges me I need to beat him". Well Mr Boring, we beat the Germans in the trenches, then the skys and we are still beating them on the roads.

I've never really seen the point in the push to make the fastest family car, which was somewhat spurred on by Tesla and their emphasis on how the model s is faster than a 911 or whatever. The truth of the matter is, unless said car is agile enough to go round corners fast then what is the point in making it do a million on the straights. It's not like anyone will ever choose an estate over a porsche for a weekend bash around the B roads is it. My point being, there is no real world need for a fast family car.

Now, the RS6, from pretty much any angle, looks rather angry and agressive. You would imagine that the sound it makes is equally roarty, but no. IT'S AN OPTIONAL EXTRA! On a £90k car which is specifically a sporty variant. And do you want to guess the price of the sporty exhaust? Yeah so do I cause they haven't said. Probably because it's daylight robbery. Another letdown is that the automatic gearbox uses a torque converter, just like my Grandad's 2006 Honda Jazz. If VW can fit a DSG gearbox to a Golf for literally 1/3 of the price, then what's fucking good Audi?

If you have a family, then chances are you have a dog too. And if your an actual man not some liberal excuse for a man, then your dog will be a big dog. In that case then good luck getting it into the boot because the electric tailgate combined with a smaller boot than the Merc equivelant means there ain't no way it's fitting. Plus it's a heavy sod, weighing in at 2100kg its only one James Corden lighter than a Range Rover!

Clearly no-one really agrees with me because these pointless machines are sold by the hundreds of thousands, which makes me as sad as a seal in seaworld. Why not buy a Range Rover? I mean, the Audi starts at around £90k and for that you can get a full fat Range Rover Vogue. Not even the base model! The Range Rover is comfier, which your wife will apreciate as she drives back from her yoga class. The Range Rover has much more room in the back, which your kids will apreciate (I speak from experience as I was once a kid). The Range Rover is vastly superior off road, which the kids will really apreciate when they're the only ones in school on a snow day. And the Range Rover oozes success, which a car should for almost 5 times the average wage in the uk, whereas the RS6 just makes you look like a boy racer with a trustfund.

So, unless your an idiot, you've got my point by now. But incase you haven't here it is in a few sentences. If you have £90k and you want a fast car, buy a second hand Mclaren or GT-R. If you have £90k and you want a family car, buy a Range Rover. If you have £90k and want a car which does both of these half heartedly, don't buy the RS6. Just don't.

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