Why I don't care one bit for the new Hummer.
Do we really need a 1000hp off-roader?
As anyone who has been following the auto industry should know, GM unveiled the new Hummus - I mean Hummer EV recently. But I didn't like it. As everyone watching was screaming with delight, I sat there, thinking, "why?".
So here's why I don't care:
Overall, it's a bit of a pointless vehicle. Nobody needs a 1000hp electric off-roader. More certainly, nobody (except probably the Kardashians) would pay over $100,000 for one.
We'll start with the obvious aspect of this thing, it's styling. "Tough" would probably be the best word for it, which in a truck, is pretty good. But, it also kind of looks like a Tesla Cybertruck. Look at the long horizontal headlight going across the "grille". See the resemblance? Also, have a look at the sharp, angular fenders.
It also has the dreaded black-plastic cladding all over the fenders. Not only was this a design feature on the Pontiac Aztek, a vehicle that the Hummer certainly took inspiration from, it also makes the car look cheap.
Hummer fans may argue that it makes the truck look tougher, but I disagree. It looks like it would break if I kicked it. Tough luck, it doesn't look tough.
It's a T-top:
GMC calls them "Sky Panels". That's pretty much just a stupid name for a T-top. I'm not saying that T-tops are bad, but it was a trend that was popular in the 1970s, and pretty much died in the 80s and 90s. That's like dabbing in 2020.
Despite being 40 years more modern, the Hummus- whoops, Hummer still hasn't really solved the T-top's biggest problem. They take up all the room in the trunk. Rather than find a clever storage option with new 2020 technology, you must put them in the frunk. That really cuts down on storage options in this truck.
Taking the roof off also makes the truck look much weaker. Although it is unlikely to affect the structural integrity of the truck, it just makes it look much more flimsy.
The interior sucks.
It looks like it was designed using Minecraft. There are corners everywhere, except the steering wheel. Typically, I find square steering wheels to look a bit odd, but in this interior perhaps one would look a bit more at home.
The rear seats seem to have about as much legroom as my 1999 Acura Integra, which is honestly very disappointing in a vehicle this size.
It also has non-integrated infotainment screens. While some may think it looks more modern, to me it looks like an afterthought. Almost like the interior designers at GM were like, "Oh no! We forgot to make a spot for the massive touch-screen! We better just duct-tape it to the dash!". This just comes across as lazy for me.
It's also a truck. Not a space-ship. They're just trying to copy Tesla's massive screen. You don't need that. For decades cars have existed without one altogether. With US back-up camera laws, a screen is required, but does it really have to be that big?
The bed is comically short
The bed on this "truck" is a square. It is about as long as it is wide. Try fitting some long two-by-fours in there. Or a sofa.
It's a unibody truck
Remember how the Honda Ridgeline got shamed for being a unibody? So much so, that when the released the second-gen, Honda made a fake line between the cab and the bed. It's not a truck. It's an SUV with a bed.
Nobody wants that. Except maybe the Kardashians. We'll get to that in a bit.
I know what you're thinking, electricity is the future, all cars will be electric in a few years. Well, I got news for you Greta Thunberg. Electricity is not the future. Electric vehicles need huge batteries to power them. These batteries tend to last 1/2-1/4 as long as a gasoline engine. They cost 10s of thousands of dollars to replace. But even if an owner bites the bullet and gets a new battery for his Hummus- I mean Hummer, the dead battery still needs to go somewhere.
The waste battery is harmful for the environment. As of this writing, there aren't really any good battery-recycling options out there. This means that Greta's prefect electric car and public-transit future will be polluted with dead batteries. And a lot of angry Hummer owners who had to pay big bucks for a new one.
Being electric also makes it less truck-like. I'm not a huge truck person, but something wouldn't be right without a large-displacement V8 making lots of noise sitting in front of me.
Who cares if it has twice the power and torque of an F-150? If you don't hear it coming, nobody's going to notice you coming.
And weight. Although GM hasn't yet released the Hummus's weight, one can imagine that it will be colossal given its size and huge battery pack.
It's absurdly expensive
Although it has twice the power and quite a bit more torque than an F-150, it also costs twice as much. This will put it out of the budget of many truck-buyers, who will be just as happy with their slower F-150. The top-end model, with 1000hp, comes in at $112,000 USD, with the base model costing around $80,000. That's a lot.
I'm foreseeing that most Hummus- um Hummer EVs will be purchased as a flex with no intention of going off-roading. The same people who buy G-Wagens will likely be purchasing the Hummer. Most will probably have plastic-surgery, and have the last name Kardashian.
Hummer? More like Hubris.
The definition of the word Hubris is "excessive pride or self-confidence." It's basically like having an over-inflated ego. I think a lot of buyers will have this problem. So I'm going to call the Hummer EV, the Hubris EV. Like I said above, it's a flex.
It's loaded up with tons of useless gimmicks.
Drift gauge. Seriously. The big, off-roading SUV-Truck thing has a gauge that measures the drift angle. Why on earth would you ever need that? What are you, going to enter one in the next season of Formula Drift? Crab-walk. So you know, you can just drive it partially sideways. Just learn how to parallel park. Throw in the massive touch-screens, and it's just like one of those gimmicky toys that you wanted when you were a kid. It sounded like a lot of fun, but in reality, most of the features on it were useless.
The GMC Hubris EV is just a pointless, gimmicky, expensive flex. That's all it is. Want a truck? Buy an 3500-series for half the price. Want an off-roader? Buy yourself a Bronco or a Jeep. Want a flex? Get a G-Wagen. Want a supercar? Get an actual supercar.
Hummer was a dead brand for a reason. It should have stayed dead. Sorry GM, but this thing sucks.