Why The cr-v is destroying america

Mostly our standards of driving

5y ago
9.4K

I will admit that humanity has a very wide spectrum of people. Everyone has their own unique set of wants, needs, and priorities. Some of the best types of humans are those who prioritize driving and simple courtesy on the roads. Others don't care too much for driving, but at least try their best to not get in anyone's way. Then you have Honda CR-V owners.

There's enough room for 1 terrible driver and 4 terrible friends to encourage the terrible driver's terribleness.

There's enough room for 1 terrible driver and 4 terrible friends to encourage the terrible driver's terribleness.

Before I delve into exactly why it's so terrible, we should first look at the type of people that would be interested in a CR-V. The styling is very bland, like a bowl of plain white rice. It has excellent reliability, no performance to speak of, and it is very economical. Are you starting to imagine the type of people that buy this car? They are people that have no interest in having fun while driving and only care about buying a car that saves the most amount of money. They don't need joy from a car or any form of happiness, as long as it gets from Point A to Point B (or hopefully careening off a cliff) then they couldn't care less.

The CR-V's side mirror, which CR-V owners are biologically incapable of using.

The CR-V's side mirror, which CR-V owners are biologically incapable of using.

This completely careless approach to driving has disastrous effects to everyone on the road. CR-Vs are almost always the ones doing 5 below the speed limit just tookling along any lane they please with both hands in a death grip on the wheel. I cannot tell you how many times myself and even my wife have had to get around a CR-V that was holding up traffic and was completely oblivious to their disruption of the flow of traffic. Driving slowly is the simpleton's way of thinking they are safe from automotive destruction when it is nothing but an enabler of such. Being slow means that others have to move around you and that actually causes more accidents. There is a pile of evidence to prove that while slow drivers may not personally have more accidents, they do cause quite a lot to those around them. This is especially true in Texas where I live because while the speed limit may be 40 in an area, the true speed of traffic is often 50 or even 55. The police are content with this speed as long as they aren't looking because our roads are often at least 3 lanes wide and it is safe to go faster. However, CR-Vs will drive at 35 and this causes a disparity in speed between cars of often 20 mph and that can be catastrophic. They take no notice of the speed of traffic around them and just stare into space ahead of them, like a television on standby.

A brain scan of a Honda CR-V owner while driving.

A brain scan of a Honda CR-V owner while driving.

Honda CR-V owners take this obliviousness of their surroundings to a new level with their complete abandonment of turn signals and side mirrors. If a turn is coming up , then they will just move over without looking and cause a certain someone in a certain Mustang to hit the brakes and wish there was a faster timetable for the installation of those hood-mounted missiles that certain someone wants on their Mustang.

When I come to power, I will institute a domestic drone program to specifically target Honda CR-Vs with Hellfire missiles. It will get messy at first, but after some time the roads will become a better place for all.

Me, probably

While we are lucky to have 3 lane roads in Texas to get around these demons of the asphalt, some times we are not so lucky. The roads leading to my in-laws house are unfortunately only 2 and it is an area that is absolutely infested with CR-Vs and its cousin the Toyota RAV-4. They are essentially the same car but for some reason the CR-V owners are just drastically more awful. When you are stuck behind one of these demons doing 35 in a 40 and there is only one way around, I baffle even myself by the creative angles and length of obscenities I am able to fire like a Gatling gun. My drone program cannot be instituted quickly enough to rid the roads of these menaces. It is my sincere belief that if someone does not care about the act of driving, then they should just stay at home until a relative that cares to get to their destination quickly and courteously can take time out of their busy life to schlep them along. And when they reach that destination, they should shoot them in the head.

The Department of Homeland Security Road Securement Program, coming soon. Hopefully.

The Department of Homeland Security Road Securement Program, coming soon. Hopefully.

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Comments (5)

  • I know this is an old article, but man, you are SPOT ON! CR-V drivers truly are the most clueless, dangerous, slowest, and worst drivers on the roads today.

      2 years ago
  • The hellfire missile thingy is maybe a tad overboard but the rest is 100% sound and applies to all sorts of cars that are bland like the CR-V. Great article!

    (Shameless self-plug drivetribe.com/t/NkntSRsIStWo_cLyMc1uhg?iid=J5psvINiSniZN0b3KUmBUA )

      4 years ago
  • I agree 100%

      5 years ago
  • Finally!!!! 100000000% agree. If there is a way to get rid of those drivers completely.... sigh

      2 years ago
  • I've been saying this for years, but I couldn't have put it better than this!

      2 years ago
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