Why you should Stop watching all motorsport except Stadium Super Trucks
Will cut his teeth as a designer on Evo magazine, before slinging a U-ey and writing for them instead. So if it has four wheels and an engine then there's a chance he's drifted it in front of a camera, driven it incredibly hard and then written about it. When he's not writing he's can be found fettling his 1971 BMW 2002 and trying to stop Wagtails defecating on his old Range Rover.
You’ll have been in a similar situation before, I’m sure. You’ve been thrust into a social situation where you hardly know a soul.
It mostly happens to me at weddings, my girlfriend will be off doing some important wedding-type stuff (singing, fretting about the bride’s hair, trying to collect as many free glasses of prosecco for me to mainline through the speeches) and I will be sat at a table full of strangers.
Usually it’s blokes who have all been temporarily abandoned too, we’re probably similar in age but, as we’re not mates, very different in other respect. Together in our best get-ups, we look like some sort of low-rent, regional, manufactured boyband.
As a way to bond, the topic of sport is broached and most people quickly start to discuss their favourite teams and the players they most admire. Those that haven’t been able to join in on one sport are welcomed into the fold with talk of some other ball-based team sports. However, I’m still left on the outside smiling and nodding, but not really engaging. You see, I know nothing about football, rugby is completely baffling to me and I honestly can’t think of anything more boring than cricket – and that’s from an avid Archers listener.
Many charitable attempts are made to include me, but my distinct lack of knowledge means I just can’t make it into their group.
But then there’s a glimmer of optimism on their faces when, once they realise I like cars, they think we can chat about Formula One.
I have to disappoint them again when I reveal that I’m only slightly more familiar with Daniel Ricciardo than I am David Beckham [the most contemporary footballer I can think of, honestly] and only a little bit more clued-up on track limits than the off-side rule.
I feel so cruel that they’ve tried to include me and haven’t been able to reward their efforts that I’ve genuinely tried to get into F1 just so I have something to talk to other lads about.
I mean it’s cars and racing, why don’t I love F1?
Well, I’m just not sure it does a very good job of being entertaining, and that should be rule one for any sport, shouldn’t it?
If there were no other types of racing, or if I were the commissioner for a major TV network in the UK and was completely unaware of any other sort of motorsport, maybe I would enjoy it. Instead, I’m seduced by touring cars, historic racing, and, my all-time favourite motorsport, Stadium Super Trucks.
No, my real name isn’t Billy Bob, I don’t have a stetson nor a pick-up of my own (yet), but I can’t think of a form of racing that is as much of a spectacle as Stadium Super Trucks. You might not think it’s as sophisticated as Formula One – I mean, no one thinks it is – but I challenge you to watch just one lap of these pick-ups and not fall in love with this series.
The way they four-wheel drift into corners then lean over with their inside front wheel pawing at the air as they accelerate out of bends is so mesmerising. Then, in the most absurdly wonderful way, they launch into the air one after another like 1300kg leaping salmon as they hit the on-track ramps.
And that’s if there isn’t a close battle between a bunch of cars – and there’s almost always a close battle. The relative lack of grip from the pick-ups' knobby tyres means drivers do make mistakes, allowing other racers to nip past or retake a position. Yeah, there’s usually some scuffed paint or flailing bodywork by the end of each race, but the trucks are so tough that it never stops the racing – competitors have been known to finish a race when missing an entire axle.
For me, it ticks almost all the boxes the motorsport should. It looks impressive, it sounds amazing, there’s often real jeopardy, it’s truly exciting and, almost best of all, the drivers get to show-off in spectacular fashion if they win: fast and smokey donuts for the crowds, or laps entirely sideways or on two wheels after they’ve driven one side of their truck up one of the ramps.
There’s maybe one thing I’d change about Stadium Super Trucks and that it would be that the pick-ups were more diverse looking, that you could identify different trucks from one another more easily.
Other than that, I think it’s perfect, it’s just a shame nobody wants to talk to me about it at weddings.