WINGS BELONG ON PLANES AND PANTY LINERS. NOT RACING CARS.

F1: Fixed

The new owners of Formula One will be looking hard at how the races of the future can be more of a spectacle. And how a driver can win because of his lantern jaw, his steely eyes and his giant testes. Not because he changed his tyres 32 seconds later than the other guy.

Many think that faster cars are the answer. But that’s rubbish. The only people who truly appreciate higher cornering speeds are the drivers. And the sport isn’t run for them. It’s run for you and me, at home, on the sofa, with a bottle of beer perched between our knees as we reach for another handful of executive nuts. And we can’t tell whether a car is doing 150 through Becketts, or 152.

What we can tell is that it’s going through Becketts by itself. And that the car behind cannot catch up because in order to go through Beckets at 152, the car in front has all sorts of aero which messes with the air in its wake.

The solution, then, is obvious. Ban the wings.

Of course, the cornering speeds would drop but us lot, the fans, wouldn’t care about that because we’d be too busy whooping as we watched the driver working for a living.

He wouldn’t be able to rely on an invisible elephant sitting on the back of his car. He’d have more power than grip and it would be up to him to manage that. With another car right up his trumpet, trying to get past. Something that would be possible because the air in his slipstream would be less smashed and deranged.

It’s often said that the technology developed in the world of Formula One trickles down eventually to ordinary every day cars. This certainly isn’t the case when it comes to aero. So there’s definitely no need for it.

I appreciate that without wings, there would be fewer places on the car to put sponsor’s decals. But the teams shouldn’t worry about that.

The racing would be so much more exciting, television audiences would sky rocket and they’d no longer have to rely on a Huddersfield carpet warehouse paying £2.75 to have its name on an end plate. Instead, the world’s big name brands would be fighting each other with shitty sticks and open cheque books for the chance to have their name writ large and proud on the nose cone.

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Comments (265)

  • I just want one season of F1 with Clarkson writing the rules. It'd be amazing.

      3 years ago
  • Less wings.

      3 years ago
  • Partially agree with Jeremy. Reduce the wings.

      3 years ago
  • What F1 really needs is an open series..set some basic safety features , lock each of the teams' engineers in a shop with Adderall spiked coffee and tea, and let them build whatever is possible.

      3 years ago
    • I have been saying for ages that it would be amazing if the engineers all came together to make a one off, a concept. Forget the regs, just build the best machine you can. It would be very interesting to see what that would look like and wether it...

      Read more
        3 years ago
  • The aero has been an issue for a few years now and the new regs this year have done nothing to change that. I read somewhere recently that WEC cars produce more downforce than F1 cars but that this all comes from the floor. There is nowhere near as much turbulent air coming off the back of those cars and as such they're able to follow one another closely. F1 isn't endurance racing but perhaps there could be some lessons brought from it. F1 is a showcase to show off the brilliance of the best engineers in the world. It would be nice if the drivers were able to really show off their talents as well. At the moment it seems more about showing off their multi-tasking abilities and how they can withstand much higher cornering g's than actual driving. There are no fancy steering wheels or aero in Karting.

      3 years ago
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