World, Quit Buying Vanilla Ice Cream

Why does vanilla ice cream exist? Seriously? It is the most annoying kind of ice cream ever. It is so bland and not exciting at all. I have a half gallon of vanilla ice cream in my freezer. It's been there for nearly 3 months. It probably has freezer burn on it (I haven't looked at it). How it got there, I have no idea. One of my roommates probably thought it was a great idea for a ice cream sundae and bought it, ate some, realized how boring it was and left it there. However, we go through other kinds of ice cream faster than it takes a broke college student to make dry top ramen. If someone brings home something like Tillamook Mudslide, we are on it quicker than coyotes on a rabbit with a broken foot.

-if you ever get to the Pacific Northwest get some Tillamook Ice Cream! It's incredible

-if you ever get to the Pacific Northwest get some Tillamook Ice Cream! It's incredible

Seriously if you listen to the wise words of Joey Tribbiani (yes I said wise, he had his moments), you can see what I mean. "What are you talking about? 'One woman [for each guy].'That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you. Let me tell you something, Ross. There's lots of flavors out there. There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and *Bing!* Cherry Vanilla. You could get 'em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream! This is the best thing that ever happened to you! You got married, you were, like, what, eight? Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon!" This quote is from the first episode of the legendary sitcom. Joey in his simple mind is telling us there is more than one kind of ice cream in the world and so many varieties and flavors.

So why do we still have vanilla ice cream? Why does it still populate the shelves of the freezer aisle at the supermarket? Vanilla ice cream is essentially the bland ice cream. Pretty much the only people who eat it are old people and kids celebrating their 2nd birthday who can't tell the difference between that and Tillamook Mudslide because their palate is not refined enough yet. The only thing vanilla ice cream is good for, is creating a decent sundae with nuts, hot fudge, hot caramel, whipped cream, with a cherry on top. Even then it still feels like we are 5 years old again, which can be good sometimes, but I don't want my older sister telling me to slow down or my dad asking for a bite then he eats like half of it.

Okay so what does this have to do with cars? If a guy rambles on for three paragraphs about ice cream on a social media site dedicated to cars something is seriously off in his noggin or he just really wants some ice cream. But seriously, some cars have that vanilla ice cream effect on them, yet people keep buying them. But the thing of it is, most of these bland cars have no ability to have nuts, hot fudge, caramel, or whipped cream to them, and what I mean by that is, you wouldn't modify them. Or if you did, you would look like an imbecile, a turd, or a dork (or all three).

These bland cars come from everywhere. They are the Toyota Corollas, the Honda Accords, the Ford Taurus'/Mondeos., the Toyota Prius'. They are bland yet people keep buying them. They know there are more exciting and better flavors out there, yet all we see on the roads are vanilla ice cream cars. So why do people keep buying them? The same reason people keep buying vanilla ice cream: it's consistent. Those cars are consistent because so many people own them and have driven them. I don't want to say that one country produces more bland cars than another.....but it's Japan. They make the most (both in quantity and quality) bland cars ever. But people buy them in the thousands because they are reliable and consistent just like vanilla ice cream. Sure some of their cars can be modded with fudge, caramel, nuts, or bananas, but some can't. Just like some vanilla ice cream is nasty and ought to be thrown out. And the older the cars get the worse the modifications look and the worse they perform (the same goes for old vanilla ice cream).

see what I mean? Nasty and bland

see what I mean? Nasty and bland

There is a phenomenon that is strange to me when people purchase these cars. Many of my friends and coworkers know me as they say " a car guy". They have asked me for advice when it comes to purchasing a new car. And since I try to be a nice guy, I give them my two cents. I ask them what their budget is, and then give them good suggestions ranging from a BMW 3-series to a VW Golf to a Ford Explorer to a diesel Audi A4. And do you know what they do, they look at me and say "No. I'm not going to buy any those" (even used and in good quality cause I help them look for cars too). I sometimes go with them to look at the cars I suggest, but nooooo they buy the bland Honda Accord.

This never happens with any one else asking for advice. Say you are in debt and need financial advice and you go to an adviser to help you get your money in order. He might say "You need to cut expenditure here and here. Invest here. Stop eating out and cook at home. Put 20% of your paycheck into a savings account for a house or rainy day." If he tells you that, you are going to do it. It may suck to not eat out as much or not go the movies that often, but you aren't going to say "Awww, screw it! I'm buyin' a yacht!" (geez your credit score would take a hit). Say you currently work at an accounting firm making $80k per year and you get an offer for another job in the same city that pays $105k per year, but maybe the benefits aren't as good (say the dental plan isn't as good). Everyone you know says "Take it!" You aren't going to turn it down. No, you will take the new job and work toward getting the same benefits you are now. The extra $25k will cover the cost of any lost or shortened benefit. If you are at the supermarket getting ice cream and you tell your friend to get vanilla, he will say no and get the Tillamook Mudslide instead.

So world, stop buying the vanilla ice cream and get the Tillamook Mudslide. Get the cookie dough. Get the BMW 3-series. Get the Ford Mustang. Get the Golf GTI. Get the diesel Audi A4. You have the world at your fingertips. Grab a spoon and have some variety. Quit eating vanilla ice cream and calling it good. It's bland, boring, and frankly sometimes even just as boring modified.