You Drive like a C*** edition 6

You’re a C***, its time to admit it you self-righteous idiot

4y ago
11.4K

There is something afoot in the wind; the huddled masses yearn to be set free from the tiresome act of bottling up their road rage. And her I stand, the Lenin-Castro figure, who will rip down the walls of this stupid society we call our roads. So like the workers, we pick a target, and today it’s the morons that varnish their car in self-righteous propaganda.

Funny, effective, DANGEROUS

Funny, effective, DANGEROUS

Baby on board signs

First, we start with this. The infamous and ever present “Baby on board” sign, which personally, is one thing that gets my blood boiling more than a Westbro Baptist church clergymen at a mixed race, gay transgender wedding, in Syria. My problems lie not with the theory, but instead with its execution. In my opinions young children have just as much right to be protected in a car, especially when they are so small, but little diamond with baby on board at no stage helps the baby. Instead serving as a giant flashing arrow at the driver reading “Twat on board”. Its problem is that the sign its self has no protective measures, instead almost definitely distracting the driver, causing an accident instead of preventing one. Cars with babies on-board should be driven by professionally trained drivers, and given bellend-targeting countermeasures. Because you know what, without that sticker on your window, I had the full intention of crashing into your car you utter basket case...

Stick Figure family stickers

Another anger inducing set of car applied visual cancer is the stick-figure family bollocks. Nobody, I repeat, nobody cares just how many children you have, or indeed what his or her favourite pastime is. The funniest thing I’ve found are the parodies of these stickers -hilarious stuff- to the extent where I had to pull over and sit out a bout of unstoppable laughing.

Funny

Funny

I know that in the mind of the perfect 2 and half children, Subaru driving, Kellyville living driver, that these stickers are funny. To them yes, to the world that generally hates peoples obnoxious behaviour, no. They are about as enjoyable as a prostate exam, personal and painful. But the minds of these people aren’t like others, because in the coconut of a skull, they poses a brain the size of a weasels wedding tackle, because anyone with a their brain correctly wired would think, “since when did my son ski?, I live in Broken-fucking-Hill”.

Political slogans and other rubbish

The Idiot brain

The Idiot brain

And finally, the useless bumper stickers reading to the effect of “coal not water”, or is it the other way around, anyways, I forget these days which one the telegraph said gives you cancer. It’s a sad time when enviro-mentalists and vegetableists take not just to the bumper of the car, where it was once confined, but to the entire rear window to prove a point. Two main thoughts go on when I see this type of driver. 1) How can you see out of the window when reversing?, and 2) Why are you making your polar bear friendly point in a 1989 Commodore Wagon, blowing more smoke then the West Indian dope smoking team? Shouldn’t you be doing this in a rainbow painted fair trade car powered by sustainably harvested sun? Because like the aforementioned stickers, nobody cares if you have three kids or like eating tofu to stop global warming, which is very counterintuitive by the way…

summary and solution

The point I am trying to make is that a car is no place for a veneer of personal and or political messages. I support the McGrath foundation, soldier on, and many many other organisations, I’m opposed to coal mining, foreign investment and many other political matters. But the entire back panels of my MINI are not plastered in anti this that and the other stickers, with the exception of a Jules Bianchi tribute in the bottom corner. You know why? Because as normal thinking humans we think, “maybe not everyone else shares my opinion” or maybe like me we just don’t give a F@CK.

Solution? No… we aren’t going to kill people with silly stickers, or execute hippies, simply, we must educate those who see it as a billboard, convince them that more than anything it’s a public space. And nobody gives a fuck what you think about tomatoes and immigrants….

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Cheers for the read

Will

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Comments (5)

  • The point of Baby on Board stickers is in the event of an accident emergency services know to look for a baby. In a big crash a baby can be thrown from the car, or end up in a footwell etc. Emergency services treat them as gospel, so they do save lives. When they're left in and there is no baby on board they cause issues, because the emergency services spend time looking for someone who isn't there.

      4 years ago
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