- Photo from Rollingstone.com

      You guys, I think Tom Morello might be a leftist

      This is my 1st music-related article on Drivetribe, let me know if you like it & want to see more. Also, this is satire. In case there was any doubt.

      14w ago


      Tom Morello has been an icon of conservatism for nearly 30 years. As a solo artist and with his bands Rage Against the Machine, Audioslave, and Prophets of Rage, Morello has engaged in such traditionally conservative pastimes as occupying Wall Street, burning the American flag, and covering NWA's "F*** the Police, and has never, not even once, attacked one of the USA's most prominent conservatives for listening to Rage Against the Machine. However, recently, I was horrified to see him support basic human decency, like the shocking statement that all people deserve to be treated equally regardless of what color their skin is, and I have come to a horrible conclusion. Tom Morello is a leftist.

      I know, shocking! It sounds insane. After all, he is the African-American guitar player in a band called Rage Against the Machine. He has "Arm the Homeless" written on his guitar, for crying out loud! Surely that means he must be opposed to the Radical Left's plot to place any sort of restrictions on owning and using machine guns. But no! Tom Morello has been a vocal proponent of the insane, radical idea that maybe, just maybe, Black Lives Matter, and that African-Americans should not have to live in fear of being randomly gunned down by agents of the state. Shocking! And then there was the time when he dared criticize our Supreme Orange God, President Donald J. Trump! Appalling! Voicing an opinion that I disagree with? If he hates Trump and the Republicans so much, why is the band called Rage With the Machine anyway? It doesn't make sense.

      Now comes the time where the Extreme Fascist Left and the Corrupt Fake News Media claim that "actually, Tom Morello has always been a leftist, and you just weren't paying attention." Ridiculous! Here are the real meanings of several Rage Against the Machine songs.

      Bulls on Parade--About a really wild rodeo out West

      Take the Power Back--When there's a power outage and you take matters into your own hands

      Bullet in the Head--What we'll give you if you dare use your First Amendment rights to say something we disagree with

      Freedom-- 'MURICA!!!!

      So clearly, there is no precedent at all for Tom Morello being a leftist. In fact, as you can see, all the evidence shows that being a leftist goes against all the things he claims to stand for. But unfortunately, the Lackadaisical Left has brainwashed him, and he can't be saved. I hate it when my favorite artists turn on me. In fact, this so-called "Tom Morello" isn't talented anyway. I think I'll just go and listen to Ted Nugent. Now there's a great artist. This Tom Morello guy is just a talentless Antifa agitator. In fact, I don't even know who Tom Morello is. Why on Earth did I write this article anyway?

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      Comments (5)

      • Well this got very manifesto-y.

          3 months ago
        • Is that a compliment or an insult? I can't tell.

            3 months ago
        • Compliment. At first I thought you were mentally insane until I saw that it said satire.

            3 months ago


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