You Thought German Cars Were Boring? Think Again
Give your german engineer a joint, and this is what he'll come up with.
Everybody knows it. Some love it, some don't. It's a little box on wheels that you take to the grocery store, stuff it full with milk and bread, pick up your kids from the football game, select Meatloaf on the stereo, to then burble back home again late in the day.
And that's been the problem with the Golf. It delivers little to nothing of a fun driving experience. You could never imagine it smiling. And this becomes extremely clear with the fifth generation. If you purchased one, whole continents will run away from being near to your country.
The ultimate example of a 'meh' car.
The GTI model however, is a different story. That thing is loved by pretty much everyone. Including bicyclists. Ever since it was introduced in 1976, it's been taking the world by storm. It single-handedly invented the hot hatch, which is one of the funniest variants of a car you can buy. And that's a fact.
There's no arguing, then, how influential it's been to the car industry and to us consumers in general. And to mark its importance, Volkswagen began having yearly events where GTI enthusiasts wearing jumpers with GTI written on them would embark to a field where they'd talk about fuel injection and various other things that, frankly, I'd rather lit my nipples on fire than hear anything about. And you should too.
Look how much fun he's having!
However, every year, right before these events are taking place, Volkswagen sends them a little present. A concept car of some sort to say thank you for your loyalty.
"But in 2007, disaster. Volkswagen forgot. Eight weeks to go. They had to build something -- anything -- to keep their fans happy."
So, Volkswagen set out to find some german engineers, gave each of them a joint, and told them to go berserk.
And this is what they came up with:
Introducing the Golf GTI W12-650.
The drugged-up team that built this thing headed straight for the twin-turbocharged 6.0-litre W12 built by Bentley, tore the back seats out of a Golf GTI, and put the engine there instead. Then the engineers found the front brakes from an Audi RS4 and rear axle and brakes from a Lamborghini Gallardo. The transmission came from a Volkswagen Phaeton.
Amazingly, the car actually ran.... sort of. Yes, when finished, the one-off concept Golf GTI W12-650 made 650 horsepower and 554 lb-ft of torque, making it by far the wildest Golf to come out of the Volkswagen facility. But the AC doesn't work. The switches don't work. And the buttons behind the steering wheel to change gear doesn't work either. In short, you get the impression that this car was made in one hell of a rush. Which it was.
I'd like to take that fine ass on a date.
"To contain all that power and madness from behind the front seats, the W12 is 6 inches wider and 3 inches lower than a normal Golf. The roof is made out of carbon fiber and the tires sits like smears of paint on the wheels. To cool the engine there are massive intake vents in the sils. That's why the bottom of the car is swollen, like your granny's ankles. And they made all these changes in just eight weeks?"
This car is bonkers. 0-60? 3.4 seconds. IN A GOLF! Opening up a Golf to see it's got 650 horsepowers and a 3.4 second 0-60 time, is like finding out your middle-school teacher was in fact Steven Hawking. It's that much of a surprise. Correct?
Of course, there are problems with it. As previously mentioned, the interior doesn't serve any functions whatsoever, apart from looking like a typical Golf interior. But that's just nitpicking. By far, the biggest mistake this car suffers from, is that it just won't go around corners.
When inside, you simply haven't got a clue that you're inside a 650 bhp monster.
"Due to its incredibly short wheel-base and the fact you've got 650 horses going to the back-wheels, there's nothing that'll prevent you from going into a corner one way, and exit it from the other."
You really are on a knife-edge driving this thing!
After that picture was taken, he crashed it into a tree and died.
But that's also the beauty of the Golf GTI W12-650. It's a Golf. It's supposed to be civilized, tame and boring. But Volkswagen's engineers, out of pure kindness (?), decided to showcase for us what the GTI badge can turn the Golf into when drenched in a Carolina Reaper stew, and then be garnished with dynamite.
Madness. Pure madness.
And that's because this car... just is.
-- Thanks for the help, Jeremy!
-- No worries.