Your Life Is Over – What Car Should You Choose?_

Once upon a time you would have kept your car clean to the point of OCD, now your children vomit on the seats while drawing pictures on any panel they

4y ago

So, you have decided to have a family, no longer is a car a thing you can love and cherish now you have to move yourself and your brooding clan around with you along with all the associated shit they need to functions.

Once upon a time you would have kept your car clean to the point of OCD, now your children vomit on the seats while drawing pictures on any panel they can get close to. So, if you love cars and driving what car should you choose, I mean, just because you have a family, you’re not dead, meaning you can still have a decent daily driver that will cover your family obligations while still allowing you to love and cherish it.

Before we get started with the cars you could choose, here are a few you shouldn’t under any circumstances, if you do choose one, send back your driver’s licence as you don’t deserve to be in possession of one.

The Mercedes-Benz V-Class

The Mercedes-Benz V-Class

If you have 2.2 children and they need an exceptional amount of shit carried with them you could buy one of these, if you do you will be greeted with a car with the aerodynamic properties of a country cottage that weighs about the same. You will be taken to a time and a place where fuel economy is merely a thing you read about on the internet that you wish for, because you will never get decent MPG number out of this thing, let alone make it to sixty in this decade by the time you get there your children will be of university age.

Not to mention the price of this cottage, which starts at £42k

Ben Hodges

Don’t even get me started on the handling either as have you ever driven a country cottage on a British B-road, me neither but if you tried to, you would undoubtedly then be very guilty of holding up several thousand motorists behind you due to the country cottage handling dynamics of your V-Class.

Not to mention the price of this cottage, which starts at £42k, then it’s going to break down which will cost you even more cash. Basically, the V-Class is utter despair and hopelessness on four wheels, don’t even go there.

The Toyota Rav4

The Toyota Rav4

As the dependable and well priced Toyota Rav4, those are the only two things I can say about it having driven one, reliable and not bad money to get one on the road.

This, however, is where the plaudits end, for one, it's f**king hideous, I mean look at it, the front looks like a person with a broken jaw who has had it wired shut by a nurse who was just using the patient as ‘practice’.

The inside doesn’t get much better either, if you have ever lived in a cave for a period of time then that’s a slight improvement over the inside of a Rav4, honestly, it’s a sea of black plastic trim and dials and switches without explanation.

The worst part about the Rav4 though, it’s as boring as they come, if they made them in beige only then it would fit nicely with the image. If you buy one of these without being declared insane then you deserve to be disowned by your friends and once your kids can answer back they will walk everywhere rather than travel in this thing.

The Rav4, the car for people without a personality of any kind.

Ben Hodges

Now, here is a couple of choices of cars that you should consider if you have petrol flowing through your veins and love to drive:

The Volkswagen Golf R Estate

The Volkswagen Golf R Estate

The first choice is a great one, tonnes of load space, strong looks and the safety of all-wheel drive in order to take junior to cubs in all weather conditions.

This performance Golf features a 2.0 litre 300ps motor, capable of 0-60 in 5.1 seconds when equipped with a DSG gearbox it is still one of the best performance cars you can buy in the UK, now with the estate version you can bring the family along and even the dog as long as they don’t get carsick.

It’s a Volkswagen Golf so should be as reliable as a wood burning stove, repairs are also reasonable money as parts are plentiful, the residuals are also strong so re-selling it will be a simple task.

The Golf R is also a properly good car to drive with superb handling thanks to VW’s AWD system, your kids will love it and they won’t be embarrassed to be seen in the thing either which should go some way to getting you some cool parent credit.

The Volvo S90 All-Wheel Drive

The Volvo S90 All-Wheel Drive

Now, the Volvo might strike some of you as a slightly boring choice, I however, disagree. The S90 is one of the best-looking cars to come out of Gothenburg in years, just look at it, its stunning from almost every angle.

Peel away the handsome bodywork and you will find many innovative safety systems that are likely governed by additional safety systems just to make sure that you and your clan will make your destination without incident.

Here in the UK, you will want the 2.0 Litre D5 AWD model, again all-weather ability allowing you to deliver junior to horse riding lessons as they are now bored of cubs. This 235ps motor will get you to 60mph in 7.3 seconds which is swift enough.

The S90 also has Volvo’s Pilot Assist system which provides a form of semi-autonomous driving which is very useful for road-trips with the clan, add this to such items as Driver Alert Control, Blind Spot Information System that uses radar sensors to alert you to surrounding traffic and you have one super-safe car.

The S90 is proof that you can buy a family car and it doesn’t have to be boring or ugly or generally rubbish, it’s a fully loaded luxo-barge with stunning looks and everything you will need to keep you and your kids as safe as possible in all weather conditions.

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Comments (6)

  • To all saying m5- no. This is the way. Cheaper to maintain (a bit) - still a bit bonkers. E39 540i touring, e61 540/545/550 touring:) 0-100 in 6.5s with a roof box and slush box:) fit m5 shorter diff with LSD- even better

      4 years ago
  • A Honda CRV is just fine, and I will defend that statement with... uh, words.

    I have come to the conclusion that trying to find an enthusiast family vehicle is like trying to find a good sofa bed.

    All you end up with is a sub par sofa and a crappy bed.

      4 years ago
  • @Scott As much I as like Jalopnik, they are wrong......

      4 years ago
  • I thought Jalopnik already settled this one...

      4 years ago
  • @Flavien - E39 M5 is the perfect choice but how do you afford to eat!, they are very expensive to maintain. I have to buy one in 2017 before prices skyrocket, buy one then or never own one.......

      4 years ago